My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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