I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
