We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
