Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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