Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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