he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Semen is not good for contacts.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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