sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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