My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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