i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
