also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
