curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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