Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
