she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
