For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
