I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
my poor anus
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
