Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
