you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
