i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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