So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
