i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
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Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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