the condom got lost in my hair
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
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If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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