Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
