turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
