woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
