Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
