im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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