I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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