Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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