I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
