ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
