just tell him i said nine months
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
