you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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