Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
