also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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