You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
