I CAN MOONWALK!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he thought i was a dude.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
