I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
