Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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