It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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