he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
