at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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