i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
