How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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