so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
