youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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