If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
