Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
