You smell like stripper and shame
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
