it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
