this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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