But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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