I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
