You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
