that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
