You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
