So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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