Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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