I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
