is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you didnt know i had herpes?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
