Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
