i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
