took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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